5 reasons that God is the biggest asshole ever

God is an asshole. And doesn't exist.

I vote "both" - he doesn't exist, AND he's an asshole.

Naturally, God would have to exist to be an asshole, but he’s a fictional asshole nonetheless. Below we’ve outlined 5 reasons that he’s the biggest prick in the known universe. I’m talking, of course, about Yahweh. The Judeo-Christian god as characterized by the Bible.

  1. God hates homosexuals
    Rather, they’re an abomination to him. But he created them, and he created everyone knowing that they’d be who they were. Homosexuality is not something someone can control! Despite this, some more progressive Christians discourage homosexuals from engaging in the act, because, though they can’t change who they are, they can just live an asexual life. Nice going, God. You forcibly withhold a big percentage of humanity from the physical pleasures of sex, unless they want to skip out on heaven! You created us to be prone to everything that will damn us. Who creates something and intentionally sets it up for failure? Is your sense of humor so fucking twisted that this is the only thing that can make you laugh? While us humans are all caring and loving one another (mostly), you’re figuring out ways to slash our proverbial (haha) tires.
  2. Infinite punishment for finite crimes
    Though this may be an expansion of the first point, I can’t go on enough about how much of a fat fuck prick sonofabitch this God of the Bible is! Not believing in him causes your soul to be damned? This is a finite crime. In human discourse, I could steal, say antiques from an antique store. Or money from a cash register. And society commits me to a jail or community service, and everyone agrees that I’ve served my sentence and paid my price. But for something as simple as not believing in God, I’m forever damned to a fiery pit and an eternity of torture (and ass-rape) by Satan. This doesn’t make any sense! Especially since it’s God’s grace that saves us and not our works. I could feed and clothe the poor and live a very good life, but by simply not believing in this douchebag is my one-way economy-class ticket to Satan’s balmy bedchambers. Why doesn’t God just forgive people for their sins, get off his high horse and be a friend to humanity, instead of a self-satisfying dick who requires [constant] praise and prayer to keep his ego nicely inflated?
  3. God commits genocide and requires sacrifices
    A few people in history have committed genocide. Pol Pot, Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin, Joseph Mobutu (Mobutu Sese Seko), and God. That’s the short list, by the way. In the Book of Joshua, God commands the Israelites to go to Ai and burn the city, hang the king, and kill its 12,000 inhabitants. God rains fire and brimstone down upon Sodom and Gomorrah because of the gays. In Exodus 4:24-26, God threatens to kill Moses because he hadn’t yet circumcised (mutilated) his son. And genocide isn’t enough. He requires sacrifices. It was God who told Abraham to bring his son Isaac to the altar and kill him as a living sacrifice. Again, I think that God’s sense of humor is so twisted that passionate killings and his lust for genocide are of the very few things that deeply satisfy him. Why are you worshiping this hate-mongering piece of refuse anyway?
  4. God put the fossils here to tempt us
    You’ve heard it. I’ve heard it. We’ve all heard this ridiculous proposition. And it doesn’t end there! The same people that tell you that God placed the fossils on earth to tempt us are the same people that also tell you that God created the earth to look older than it actually is. Again, why would a God consciously attempt to deceive us in this way? And why would he do it on such a heavy issue, one which our eternal fate depends upon? If any of this is true, then he’s the biggest asshole in existence. But the most egregious part (I know I like that word) is that Christians make justifications like these for scientific proofs that contradict what the Bible says. Not to mention the contradictions in the Bible itself.
  5. God seems to favor the free will of rapists and murders
    Frequently while debating theists, I’ll ask them why God lets girls get raped and children get molested. The usual response is this non-interventionist idea which goes something like, “Well, God gave us free will.” But it seems to escape them that this evil person who is malevolently raping or molesting his or her victim is actually violating the free will of others. The whole concept of free will is just silly when you try to imagine someone giving that to us and then making commandments, or allowing peoples’ free will to be violated. The free will of a rapists’ victim is compromised, and if God doesn’t intervene, then it’s clear that he favors the free will of the aggressor. Period.

    Free will is a real thing. We all do have free will and most all of us have the ability to act on it. But sometimes free will is compromised. It’s possible that I could do something to someone else that prevents their free will from allowing them to act on theirs. In the example above, the rapist ignored their victim’s free will to use his or her own. What’s really terrible is that Christians view God as this loving, benevolent, interventionist being. A Christian can pray to Yahweh and ask for intervention, and he supposedly answers prayers. But a rapist can’t. Oh, that’s right. It’s all a big part of God’s asinine plan.

    God’s an asshole. No, he’s the biggest fucking asshole to have ever existed. Nobody could ever aspire to be worse than God.

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About Eric

If Jesus is the answer, you're probably asking a stupid question.
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10 Responses to 5 reasons that God is the biggest asshole ever

  1. Dan says:

    For someone who doesn’t believe that God exists, you sure seem to have a lot of hatred and resentment toward Him.

    • J. Downs says:

      Dan, he really does. For a being that he considers “fiction”, he sure spends quite a large amount of time thinking about Him… as well as writing, criticizing, and insulting Him. As far the whole “God is the biggest asshole ever” argument, there should definitely be some merit to the fact that the Bible’s most dominant theme is God’s redemption of His people, as well as His teachings that push peace, love, joy, kindness, etc. Especially considering this blog emanates conflict, hatred, frustration, and hostility. I have yet to see an article promoting mutual acceptance, compromise, or even a kind gesture. His attacks and efforts are no better than the Christians who let themselves be so ignorant and naive (Harold Camping, anyone?) to attack the beliefs of those who don’t agree with them.

      • Eric says:

        That’s very sweet of you to point out that I’m hostile and hateful, yet your God is responsible for more than 2,476,633 people, according to Steve Wells, the creator of the Skeptic’s Annotated Bible and the blog Dwindling in Unbelief. That doesn’t count the unmeasured (un-measurable) deaths in Noah’s flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, and the first-born Egyptian children. Not to mention the women and children, noted as killed in various events. Steve goes on to estimate the total number of killings at 25 million.

        Think about this more objectively, please: not everyone God killed was evil or deserving. Many were women and children, and innocent bystanders, like Job’s servants. But you don’t ever hear about that. If you met someone that was responsible for the deaths of over 2 million people, many innocent, would you think of this person as a nice guy? Even if he preached redemption?

        Mr. Downs, you are basing this redemption on the belief that everyone is born guilty. But that’s not so. We’re born human. We don’t need to be told that we’re vile, evil, guilty sinners and that we need redemption. What a supposed God did for us is useless if it’s not the case in the first place. I don’t care how sweet you make the story of redemption out to be. He’s an evil, ruthless bastard, and he called us guilty in the first place.

        And the article was for fellow atheists to have a good laugh. Not because I’m bent on destroying God’s reputation, as he has done a fine job of that in the first place.

      • John says:

        If you think he attacks read what our founding fathers said about this monster. It is as though Yahweh that bronze age volcano God is auditioning for the role of Satan. Love? Give me a break. There is no love except conditional love in the Bible, a sick twisted book compiled by the church and the Roman empire to further their agenda and that has remained an ignornant rant of the most vile filth imaginable. If Christians only knew where their religion came from. The entire Bible is fabrication from front to back.

    • John says:

      Don’t think its hatred to express the idea that the God of the Bible is simply made in our image. Thats right our image. God did not make us we made him, and gave him all of our worst qualities too.

  2. A Pensive Christian says:

    While a gentleman such as yourself might find my “name” to be an oxymoron of epic proportion I can’t help but wonder if this writing style is that of a person trying to find answers to life’s questions or that of a scorned lover who did not like the way his former relationship with God was going, resulting in you abruptly ending the aforementioned relationship. I’ve taken the time to read a bit of your writing and comments and I must say, while cleverly written, it screams of a man who doesn’t know what to do with the pent-up disappointment he has towards something he used to believe in (that something being God, of course). Am I wrong in assuming you used to be a Christian? May I be so bold as to as inquire what it was that made you renounce your faith in favor of a pessimistic view on what happens to a person when the ol’ ticker beats for that last time? I could be way off in left field with all of this… but I don’t think I am. I write all of this to get a better understanding of someone who is intelligent and yet fails to see through the bull shit your average “Christian” (and I use that term VERY loosely) smears on the goodness of God by trying to speak as if their warped ideas coincide with the will of God. I used to have a slightly above-average knowledge of what the bible says (sadly I don’t read it the way I used to these days but I am making an honest effort to do better), and there are quite a few things that I simply do not understand and do not agree with. Does it make me a “bad” Christian to see nothing wrong with homosexuality? I would imagine a lot (and by “a lot” I mean most, unfortunately) would say yes, it most certainly does mean I am no better than those who desire the same sex. Do I find it taxing that men such as Abraham and Moses toiled and suffered to please a being most others during their time period gave little thought to? Most certainly. The thing is, I don’t think people can truly begin to understand what God is and what He (why it has to be “he”, and capitalized at that, is a debate for another time lol..) is all about until they have been to their own personal hell and have felt utter loss and despair. You talk a LOT about God, but I notice you make no mention of His son (kinda like the Jews). To even begin to talk about God without talking about Jesus is kinda like talking about the Bulls without talking about MJ. To be honest and blunt the name of this site makes me smh quite sympathetically because if you honestly believe that God could hate anything then you never have and never will know Him. I’m sure this is the part where you say “well hey now, it says clearly in the bible that God hates fags!”, and yes, I am familiar with the the multiple passages that speaks against homosexuality… but I do not believe that God hates anything, including that devilish angel he cast from heaven eons ago. Does it make sense that a virgin could give birth in a filthy barn, protect that child from murderous kings and sickness to watch him grow up to die one of the most malicious deaths known to man just to see him rise from the dead to become one again with his “true” father? Hell to the no. The thing is, religion is not really something that is supposed to make sense (as odd as that may seem). If it did everyone would believe it and there would be no debate as to what was right or wrong, no chance for a person’s free will to direct them towards something worth believing in. People such as Stephen Hawking and, apparently, yourself seem only to believe what you all can wrap your mind around and nothing more. As vast as your knowledge may be, my friend, I challenge you to challenge what you used to believe and what you believe now and actually make a case for there being no God instead of stomping your feet, poking out your lower lip and proclaiming for all who will listen that this non-existent entity is a big meany.

    • Eric says:

      Good morning,

      I had already gone through comments last night, but I approved yours anyway. I was much too tired to start writing again, so I decided to let it wait until the morning. To begin, I’d like to tell you that the name could be somewhat oxymoronic, but I’m going to trust that you are indeed pensive. It’s not like you can’t be Christian and be pensive at the same time!

      This article is definitely one of the more radical ones I’ve ever written. And I can’t promise that I won’t stupefy some people again sometime in the future with something like this. But God doesn’t change. He’s an unchanging creator. He doesn’t just magically become nicer because Jesus came. My writings haven’t focused on Jesus much, but I can accept a little criticism, and I would agree that I’ve not written about Jesus a whole lot. I would like to change that. As far as talking about the Bulls without MJ – terrific reference!

      As you already know, I believe that the Judeo-Christian God is nothing more than a fictional character. It’s not that he’s entirely evil as much as he is a selfish prick. To quote Richard Dawkins:

      “The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomaniacal, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully.”

      I could find scripture to back up every one of those points, but you would just go point to Jesus every time and say how he’s the great redeemer and that God loves everyone. So we’ll probably never totally agree even though we may agree on some points.

      On this notion of the capitalization of “God” and “He, His, Him”, I was a Christian for almost three years, so I am quite aware of the difference. I choose not to employ the “He, His, Him” pronouns, but I typically do capitalize “God” because of the references I’m making. In no way, shape, or form do I think it’s really that necessary to go through that trouble, and if he is that concerned about it, then I hate to report that he probably has nothing better to do.

      People like Stephen Hawking and myself (I’m quite honored that you used us both in the same sentence even though it wasn’t that nice of a statement) don’t necessarily believe only the things we can wrap our heads around, but it definitely plays a big part. What we aren’t afraid of is saying “I don’t know.” Not, “I don’t know, therefore God.” I’d like to leave the unknown as the unknown, and hopefully science will be able to reveal those things to us in the future. I don’t like to make preconceptions or presuppositions about the unknown because in many people it creates false beliefs. I try to avoid that because I care whether not the things I believe are true or false.

      You mentioned that you read the blog, but I think you should have a look at the “about us” page. There’s a brief explanation of the title of this site. It is meant to be ironic. I don’t really know if this God of yours hates atheists or hates homosexuals, although the indication is certainly prevalent in the scriptures. Perhaps my radical statements have led you to believe otherwise!

      I’m probably forgetting to address a few things, so please forgive me. The last point I’d like to make before I get off to a busy day is this: It’s not my responsibility to “challenge things I used to believe and make a case for there being no God” — I’m not the one claiming him to be real. A positive claim puts the burden of proof on the person making it. As pensive as you are, my friend, you haven’t logically thought that through. As Ayn Rand says, “… we are not called upon to prove a negative.” It’s a logical fallacy. You cannot prove a negative. But I have looked at my previous beliefs and it’s funny to me that I even believed them in the first place. The things I believed in as a Christian defied logic and reason in some of the most hideous ways.

      Are you a Christian because you are afraid of hell?

    • John says:

      There was no Son. The son was a myth like dozens of other savior God myths based on the Solar Gods of old. Read some real history and see what bullshit you believe and are afraid to test.

  3. just ten dollars says:

    Stopped read at #1 when I realized this is just another pro fag website. You fail.

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